Excuses, Excuses
Well blog friends I'm back. I must say it's been a rough couple of months at my house, but all is well. I finally had a breakthrough. Wanna hear it? I know you do, that's why you're still reading. It only took me say, oh, the better part of the year to figure this out. Ok, enough stalling...here goes...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 New American Standard Bible
Whew! Glad that's out. I know what you're thinking. It's so totally deep and profound and well, hey...that's just me...what can I say?
Seriously I can't believe it's taken me all this time to figure that out. I've heard that scripture most of my Christian life and I've always just sort of glossed over it and not really taken it to heart. So I guess the Lord this year has decided to shall we say...nudge me in that direction.
I've lost a lot this year. Not material goods, but rather my faith in my secure little bubble that I built for myself. My bubble exploded and with no embryonic buffer between myself and Him I had to take a hard look at some things. I couldn't understand what was happening to me or why it was happening. It made me angry.
So I asked God a few questions, most of them along the lines of "Who do You think You are????" To which He simply did not reply. He just watched me and watched over me with that infinite and infuriating patience of His. Throughout this whole year, actually my whole life, I've struggled to understand my circumstances and my environment with my own powers of reasoning. I thought, I'm a smart gal...I can figure this out...there's got to be a formula to this whole relationship thing and why God allows His people to go through all this stuff. HA HA HA! Joke's on me. There is no figuring God out.
So what does a smart gal like me do when she can't figure stuff out? She cries for a while, pouts and has a temper tantrum like any other respectable 35 year-old Super Spiritual Sista. Thank God for God. If He hadn't come along and turned the light on for me I would still be banging my head on the floor. Which hurts by the way, and I wouldn't recommend doing it.
What I'm trying to say is, when all the understanding is gone, nothing is left to us except trust. Whether we like it or not, all of us trust in something or someone. Some trust in sex or drugs, some trust in food and television (YES I WENT THERE!), some trust only in themselves. I've tried trusting in a few of those things myself and television never once helped me pay the bills. (Can I get a witness from some of you other Super Spiritual Sistas out there?)
So then what? When all of our tried and true defenses have let us down, what is next? The only logical conclusion to that is God. We must trust in Him, there is no other way. Job said, "Though He slay me, yet will I serve Him." That is not an easy statement to make, because it speaks of absolute trust in God and His sovereignty.
Now, I've got that "figured out." All I need to do now is put it into action. But that's for another post.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 New American Standard Bible
Whew! Glad that's out. I know what you're thinking. It's so totally deep and profound and well, hey...that's just me...what can I say?
Seriously I can't believe it's taken me all this time to figure that out. I've heard that scripture most of my Christian life and I've always just sort of glossed over it and not really taken it to heart. So I guess the Lord this year has decided to shall we say...nudge me in that direction.
I've lost a lot this year. Not material goods, but rather my faith in my secure little bubble that I built for myself. My bubble exploded and with no embryonic buffer between myself and Him I had to take a hard look at some things. I couldn't understand what was happening to me or why it was happening. It made me angry.
So I asked God a few questions, most of them along the lines of "Who do You think You are????" To which He simply did not reply. He just watched me and watched over me with that infinite and infuriating patience of His. Throughout this whole year, actually my whole life, I've struggled to understand my circumstances and my environment with my own powers of reasoning. I thought, I'm a smart gal...I can figure this out...there's got to be a formula to this whole relationship thing and why God allows His people to go through all this stuff. HA HA HA! Joke's on me. There is no figuring God out.
So what does a smart gal like me do when she can't figure stuff out? She cries for a while, pouts and has a temper tantrum like any other respectable 35 year-old Super Spiritual Sista. Thank God for God. If He hadn't come along and turned the light on for me I would still be banging my head on the floor. Which hurts by the way, and I wouldn't recommend doing it.
What I'm trying to say is, when all the understanding is gone, nothing is left to us except trust. Whether we like it or not, all of us trust in something or someone. Some trust in sex or drugs, some trust in food and television (YES I WENT THERE!), some trust only in themselves. I've tried trusting in a few of those things myself and television never once helped me pay the bills. (Can I get a witness from some of you other Super Spiritual Sistas out there?)
So then what? When all of our tried and true defenses have let us down, what is next? The only logical conclusion to that is God. We must trust in Him, there is no other way. Job said, "Though He slay me, yet will I serve Him." That is not an easy statement to make, because it speaks of absolute trust in God and His sovereignty.
Now, I've got that "figured out." All I need to do now is put it into action. But that's for another post.
Comments
"Thank God for God. If He hadn't come along and turned the light on for me I would still be banging my head on the floor."
It is so relieving to have a friend with whom I can share my Advil. I too was/am/will probably continue to be a head banger against God and his infinite wisdom.
And the joy of finally accepting/understanding/putting into practice this trust in God is that God makes it easy on us if we will truly believe in him. "The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still." (Ex 14:14) And that, my friend, is a relieving thought.
Now if only I would learn to be still...
Oh, and would you please email me? You asked for a list of books long ago, but I can't find an email address for you.
"Some trust in sex or drugs, some trust in food and television (YES I WENT THERE!), some trust only in themselves." I've tried the food, TV, computers, friends and myself, to no avail. Hm.
"Now, I've got that "figured out." All I need to do now is put it into action. But that's for another post." **grin** I SWEAR that could be me writing. Thank you for sharing honestly! I look forward to reading more!
I wish our bills got paid, just by watching TV. Cause than I know my husband would never be out of a job again.
But all kidding aside. God is good all the time, and just like a good daddy he needs to teach us all the tough lessons. We call it tough love. He calls it Holyiness, serving in his Kingdom and necessary to have oneness with Him. I am just glad we didn't have to wander around in the wildernesss for 40 years.
The proverbs verse should be fliped. And read "Do not lean on your ouw understanding. Trust in the Lord with all your Heart."
But that still would be a hard one to do, for all of us who still feel they have to have everthing figured out before they make a move. Signed DreamGirl