Monday, December 18, 2006

Blogger Hates Me

You know you haven't blogged in a while when Blogger forgets who you are, and you can't remember either.


I think I'll head over to Wal-Mart and get fitted for my leopard print bathing suit and pantyhose.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Excuses, Excuses

Well blog friends I'm back. I must say it's been a rough couple of months at my house, but all is well. I finally had a breakthrough. Wanna hear it? I know you do, that's why you're still reading. It only took me say, oh, the better part of the year to figure this out. Ok, enough goes...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 New American Standard Bible

Whew! Glad that's out. I know what you're thinking. It's so totally deep and profound and well, hey...that's just me...what can I say?

Seriously I can't believe it's taken me all this time to figure that out. I've heard that scripture most of my Christian life and I've always just sort of glossed over it and not really taken it to heart. So I guess the Lord this year has decided to shall we say...nudge me in that direction.

I've lost a lot this year. Not material goods, but rather my faith in my secure little bubble that I built for myself. My bubble exploded and with no embryonic buffer between myself and Him I had to take a hard look at some things. I couldn't understand what was happening to me or why it was happening. It made me angry.

So I asked God a few questions, most of them along the lines of "Who do You think You are????" To which He simply did not reply. He just watched me and watched over me with that infinite and infuriating patience of His. Throughout this whole year, actually my whole life, I've struggled to understand my circumstances and my environment with my own powers of reasoning. I thought, I'm a smart gal...I can figure this out...there's got to be a formula to this whole relationship thing and why God allows His people to go through all this stuff. HA HA HA! Joke's on me. There is no figuring God out.

So what does a smart gal like me do when she can't figure stuff out? She cries for a while, pouts and has a temper tantrum like any other respectable 35 year-old Super Spiritual Sista. Thank God for God. If He hadn't come along and turned the light on for me I would still be banging my head on the floor. Which hurts by the way, and I wouldn't recommend doing it.

What I'm trying to say is, when all the understanding is gone, nothing is left to us except trust. Whether we like it or not, all of us trust in something or someone. Some trust in sex or drugs, some trust in food and television (YES I WENT THERE!), some trust only in themselves. I've tried trusting in a few of those things myself and television never once helped me pay the bills. (Can I get a witness from some of you other Super Spiritual Sistas out there?)

So then what? When all of our tried and true defenses have let us down, what is next? The only logical conclusion to that is God. We must trust in Him, there is no other way. Job said, "Though He slay me, yet will I serve Him." That is not an easy statement to make, because it speaks of absolute trust in God and His sovereignty.

Now, I've got that "figured out." All I need to do now is put it into action. But that's for another post.