Frustration
Well among a myriad of other things, I'm having technical difficulties. This is why I haven't posted in a while. As I said, just one frustration among many.
I'm also going through this major self pity party. Wanna join me? Misery does love company. C'mon...join in, look, we can do it together. Ready? 1...2...3...Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!
Ok, enough whining.
Here's my trouble. I want to be close to God. Close as in, face to face. I can feel His spirit drawing me, calling me closer, but I'm not impressed. I've lost my passion. I want to get closer, but I don't want to move and I'm frustrated by that. Ever been in this postition? Nobody can help you when it's like this, because what it really comes down to is a decision. A decision to follow God no matter what. Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can make the decision.
Why are we like this? (I am assuming I'm not the only one hence the term "we") How do we get to be this way? I can see the table set before me....it's filled with good things to eat...I'm hungry...so, why aren't I picking up the spoon and digging in?
I had a really great friend once. One of those rare individuals who was excited and joyous about following God. She made the most of every opportunity to seek after Him and the passion that she had was infectious. It infected me. Now she's gone and I haven't been the same since. Perhaps I lived my relationship with God too much through her. Not a good thing. We can't worship vicariously. A pastor I once knew said that worship is not a spectator sport. Ain't it the truth.
God, renew my passion and joy in You.
" Be rainfall on cut grass,
earth-refreshing rain showers.
Let righteousness burst into blossom
and peace abound until the moon fades to nothing.
Rule from sea to sea,
from the River to the Rim." From Psalm 72 the Message version.
I'm also going through this major self pity party. Wanna join me? Misery does love company. C'mon...join in, look, we can do it together. Ready? 1...2...3...Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!
Ok, enough whining.
Here's my trouble. I want to be close to God. Close as in, face to face. I can feel His spirit drawing me, calling me closer, but I'm not impressed. I've lost my passion. I want to get closer, but I don't want to move and I'm frustrated by that. Ever been in this postition? Nobody can help you when it's like this, because what it really comes down to is a decision. A decision to follow God no matter what. Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can make the decision.
Why are we like this? (I am assuming I'm not the only one hence the term "we") How do we get to be this way? I can see the table set before me....it's filled with good things to eat...I'm hungry...so, why aren't I picking up the spoon and digging in?
I had a really great friend once. One of those rare individuals who was excited and joyous about following God. She made the most of every opportunity to seek after Him and the passion that she had was infectious. It infected me. Now she's gone and I haven't been the same since. Perhaps I lived my relationship with God too much through her. Not a good thing. We can't worship vicariously. A pastor I once knew said that worship is not a spectator sport. Ain't it the truth.
God, renew my passion and joy in You.
" Be rainfall on cut grass,
earth-refreshing rain showers.
Let righteousness burst into blossom
and peace abound until the moon fades to nothing.
Rule from sea to sea,
from the River to the Rim." From Psalm 72 the Message version.
Comments
Sometimes when God is beckoning me to him, I turn an indifferent shoulder to him. My heart feels heavy and prickly when I go that route and my feet drag.
Sometimes when God has his arms wide open so that he is ready to receive me in a moment's notice, I am petrified and unresponsive and angry with myself because I know that I need to ask forgiveness for the same ugly sins of which I asked forgiveness just days before. My heart is fearful and pride-filled when I go that direction. I find that my inaction is worse than the sins I am in.
But sometimes when I feel God drawing me close, I run straight to Him, longing for nothing else but the safety of his arms and the envelopement of his love. It is at that time that my heart is full of joy and peace and my desire to be full at his table is insatiable.
And I wonder why do I not always run to him in the first place...
Fear not my dear friend. For I know that God will surely hear and respond to a plea such as yours. You will soon be renewed to capacity, so that your passion will overflow. I just can't wait to see how God will use you now!
grief has a way of stealing our passion. The way I see it you have two choices, you can retreat inwardly, live a lonely life, be miserable. Continue to be the only one who come to your pity party, or you can love and miss them from a distance, remember the goods times and pray they will return. Theirs one thing that God impressed upon me when my father died. No matter how much I thought I lost there was two things that could never be taken away. My Love and my memories. Now I have lived out both choices and take it from my experience. To put it very bluntly the 1st is an open door for spiritual cancer.
Now maybe you didn't know this but when I stepped out from behind my walls and I choose two people to come into my life. Those two people became family, sisters, a part of me. And when one of you hurt, I hurt. This is what is meant by one body in Christ. This is what is meant when I said my heart is heavy for the ones I love, To bare one another’s burdens. I sensed a small fraction of what Christ must had felt in the garden. I am now watching one of my sisters slowly wither away with spiritual cancer. Please don't become the second. The choice is yours, you can be a victim or you can live victorious. One of your most powerful spiritual weapons is your praise. So take his hand and let him lead you in the dance, let yourself fall in love with him all over again.
I have more to say but do not want to take up any more of your blog. If you want to talk more you know how to reach me.
Love, RC
My definition of worship is expanding past the bounds of music in church service to something much larger. When I hang out with my autistic buddy in the nursery, it's a profound form of worship. When I read with my children and consider God's gift to me in them, it's worship. When I garden and my thoughts turn to Him, it's worship.
A priest one defined worship as "Radical obedience to the Word of God", and I'm taking it to the bank.
So maybe the Matt Redman's "Blessed Be the Name" in the words "You give and take away. My heart will surely say, 'Blessed be the Name.'" it's simple worship- to acknowlege blessing in the taking away parts.
Ramble...mostly for myself.