Better Is One Day In Your Courts....

I Moved!

2009-05-09T23:40:00.001-04:00

Hey...check me out over at Wordpress!

Uh, If You Don't Believe in Female Preachers...Look Away

2009-05-07T19:48:00.000-04:00

Well hi there. It's been a while. I could go into this long drawn out story about where I've been and what I've been doing, but I think I'll leave that for some other time. Suffice it to say, I stopped blogging because I didn't think I had anything to talk about that was worth anything.

That's about to change.

I had forgotten the reason I started this blog. It wasn't supposed to be about me, it was supposed to be about Jesus Christ and my day to day efforts to walk where He walked and do what He did.

But I got caught up in trying to be "relevant" and "witty." Which brings me to the point of today's post.

Today I was reading a bio about someone who works for a major Christian song writing machine/company. In the bio, the person is saying that their vision is to see the church embrace culture and become a leader in creating.

To be honest, at first I was like, "Yeah, cool." But the phrase, "embrace culture" was bothering me. I wondered, "Embrace whose culture? America's? God's? Dairy Queen's?" As I pondered this, other questions began to arise. Why would The Church need to embrace culture? Aren't we to be the "Called Out Ones?" Aren't we supposed to be separate? Why would anyone think that we need to embrace culture unless we think that The Church is no longer relevant?

Point taken. Unfortunately, a lot of churches have become little more than social clubs these days. We all know this and what's worse, the world knows it. From top to bottom, many of us have become so lukewarm that we have rendered ourselves and by extension Christ, as useless and of no effect on the people around us. Brothers and sisters this is truly a huge concern and blight on The Church, but we can't fix the problem by embracing culture. Embracing culture is what has gotten us into trouble in the first place.

If we want to be effective, we must first in our own lives yield wholly to Christ and Him alone. We must passionately pursue and develop a relationship with Him. If we "seek first the Kingdom of God" doesn't the Bible say that everything else will fall into place?

In I Corinthians, Paul warns of the dangers of trying to win others to Christ with "clever words" and "fleshly wisdom." In 1 Corinthians 1:17 he says, "For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not in cleverness of speech, that the cross of Christ should not be made void."NASB

It is utter foolishness for Christians to try to convince the lost that Christ is who He says He is with our "relevance." In fact, Paul states that doing so actually makes what Christ did on the cross void. What we need to do as The Church is embrace the cross not culture. We need to make ourselves available to be used of Christ through radical obedience and submission to Him in all things. When we do that, the natural overflow of that process is that Christ then becomes raised up in us, at which point He and He alone will draw all men to Himself. The world is dying and in need of a Saviour, not a song and dance or the "7 Keys to Prosperity" manual. We hold the gateway to eternal life hostage by our desire for man's approval and our fear of being mocked as outdated or foolish. Friend, the Bible says that the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men. We must return to Him if we are to be of any use, of any "relevance" to this world.

Oh God, in my own life, forgive me for relying on my own wisdom when talking to others about You. I repent and ask you to tear down anything in me that is not of You. Father be merciful to us and send Godly conviction and repentance to Your people. Show us how to love You the way You want to be loved. In Jesus' name Amen.

Thank you for reading. I hope that this post stirs your heart and prompts you to think of Christ and His desire to be our all.

Love Without Warning

2008-03-19T17:03:00.001-04:00

I wonder...

I wonder if she knew when she woke up that morning that her life would be changed forever.

I wonder if she understood that by the end of that day, she would literally be dragged from the darkness and thrust into the Light.

Her name is unknown, as is her background. All we really know about her is that she was caught in the act of adultery and has become one of the most famous of the Bible's poster children for grace. Many sermons (possibly in the millions) have been preached about the love that Jesus bestowed on her that day. She is probably the most single shining (or should I say glaring?) example of the difference between religion and relationship.

But still I wonder...

Did she have a family? Was she a single working mom trying to keep food on the table? Or was she a bored suburban housewife looking for a little action? Where was the man she was caught with (assuming it was indeed a man)? What was she thinking as she was being dragged through the streets? Was she crying? Was she screaming in protest? Did she beg for mercy? Moreover I wonder...was she looking for grace or did she just get clobbered with it?

Most people come to Jesus because their hearts have been convicted after hearing a sermon, or they've been scared to death by a "hellfire and brimstone" message, or they've just been overcome by His love. This woman doesn't seem to have been given an option. I mean, the Bible does say she was "caught in the act." It doesn't seem as though she had any thought of seeking redemption. If anything I think this story is another example of just how little we have to do with the act of being redeemed. (I don't suggest running out and dragging your lost loved one down to the altar, but after reading about this woman it is tempting, no?)

Had it been me (and on more than one occasion it has been...let's face it...we all sin) I would have been crying out for mercy that my life would be spared. But that's probably as far as I would have thought to ask. I highly doubt I would have expected anything more than to leave the temple with my life. I truly think that that's what this woman was doing as well. Begging for her life, and not really understanding what that meant.

I wonder...

How many of us have been putting a limit on Mercy by only wanting to escape hell and have no thought of the abundant life that Jesus died to give us?

Whatever was going on in the woman's mind that day, it's obvious she wasn't expecting to receive any sort of pardon. There she is... all the rocks have fallen to the ground, people are leaving, and she's still standing there, awaiting Jesus' judgement.

I wonder...

How many of us are still standing there before Him...waiting for a death sentence that will never be given?

I wonder...

God...I wonder at You. We run from You, scream out Your name in profanity, we deny Your existence and worship ourselves. Yet still...Your love is relentless, and it finds us even when we aren't looking for it. Father clobber me with grace. Keep me in wonder, and never...ever...let me go.

Venti Mocha With A Double Shot No Whip, Please.

2008-03-14T16:35:00.000-04:00

Latte Christians beware: this blog is not for you. If you like the leche...stay away from my pal Scott.

Whom Shall I Trust?

2008-03-14T16:30:00.000-04:00

In light of a recent discussions about the "Emerging Church" and other doctrinal/theological issues, I feel prompted to ask this question.

When it comes to the Bible, whom shall I trust?

When we come down to brass tacks, all of us read the Bible and interpret it according to our understanding of what it says. Which basically means that there are literally millions of interpretations floating around out there.

Now, I am by no means a biblical scholar, but truly...who has the final say on who is interpreting scripture properly and who is not? If we say scripture has the final say...well I would agree. Except we go back into the whole "whose interpretation of what scripture says is correct?" circle.

The reason I ask is because I get disturbed when people start freely throwing around the words "heretic" and "blasphemy" everytime something or someone different comes along. (I would like to categorically state that this post is not an attack against anyone...it is merely my own observation and thoughts, so please don't send me hate mail.) It seems to me that a certain man called Jesus was also accused of heresy and blasphemy by the religious elite of His day and look what good it did them.

Let me reiterate. Jesus did not look like, talk like, or act like the Messiah that the Pharisees and Sadducees "interpreted" from the Torah. Because Jesus did not line up with their "doctrines" or with who they thought He should be, they rejected Him as a blasphemer. They called The Word a heretic. How crazy is that???

I'll end my thoughts with this. I believe we must guard and protect our faith through careful study of the scripture. (Study is not all there is to it, but that's for another post) However we must keep in mind that God cannot be boxed in. Solomon's temple, as glorious as it was, could not even contain the train of God's robe. If someone is being ministered to, and their life is being changed from "glory to glory" who are we to put a stop to it simply because the method doesn't fit into our idea of "religion?"

I'll just let ya'll think on that for a while.

He Loves Us

2008-03-07T16:47:00.000-05:00

Today, as I was walking across campus, I looked and really noticed all the kids that were rushing past me.

Some were talking on cell phones.

Some were walking and talking with friends.

Some were walking alone and trying not to look like it bothered them.

There were the typical sorority girls with blonde hair, cute jeans, cute shoes, cute everything.

There were the passionate, artsy people with their dark clothes, their long scarves, long cigarettes and wild hair.

There were the non-traditional students, serious and all-business.

Then there were some who looked like they wanted to be anywhere but here.

One thought kept going through my head as I looked at all these wonderful, colorful people. It’s a line from a song I just “discovered.” It just simply says this:

He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. God loves us. All of us. No matter where your coolness factor may be on the human scale, whether you're at the top or a bottom feeder like myself...He loves us. This song has really rent my heart in two and reminded me of who I am, and who God is. I actually have the video of Kim Walker singing this song in my sidebar. It’s the very first one and I highly, highly encourage you to take a listen.

Because if anyone had asked me 10 years ago, “Do you know that God loves you?” I would have looked at them with this “Well, DUH” look on my face and said “Yes. I do know that God loves me. I mean, God is love right??? Isn’t that His job? To love me?”

Oh, but I had no idea.

In fact, my understanding was so darkened, that I was no where near being in the same universe as the truth of His love for me. See, as a whole, we are so anesthetized to the word love that we have almost completely lost its meaning. I might say “I love my husband” and then turn around and with the next breath say, “I love pizza.”

Love has become too small a word.

I'm happy and eternally grateful to say that the "eyes of my understanding" are slowly but surely being opened more and more each day to the most jaw-dropping revelation ever given to a human being. God’s love, what love really is, is not small. I can run as hard and as fast as I can to the Throne of Grace and without fear of rejection climb on up into my Father's lap and rest. Because His love is large and active and passionate and loud and you wanna know something else??? It still burns as brightly and intensely as it ever has. For you.

For you.

It has never once dimmed, diminished or become less because you didn’t get the house clean today, or because you yelled at the kids and had mean thoughts about your spouse. It doesn't go away because you failed a test and lost your 4.0 GPA, or if you disappointed your parents and decided not to go to school at all. Know why??? Because God’s decision to love us is not tied to us or our actions in any way.

He loves us because He is Great and Mighty and Worthy to be Praised.

He loves us because of the Greatness of His Name. He loves us because He has decided to do so, and no matter what you do, or how you respond, you cannot make God stop loving you. He will love you all the way into hell if that is your desire.

Oh man, stop struggling. Stop fighting with it. There’s nothing you can do about it. God loves you. So what are you afraid of? Jump in, and let the “sea of His grace” overtake you.

If you’d like to know more about God’s love, read the gospel of John. If you’d like to know more about the song Kim Walker is singing and the amazing story behind it, go here.

Finally! It Came!

2008-02-28T13:10:00.000-05:00

My sponsor package for Ivan finally came in the mail yesterday. I am so excited. After ripping open the envelope, my kids and I plopped ourselves down on the living room floor so we could inspect every shred of information about him.

First, I must say, Ivan (and I'm quite positive about this) is the most beautiful boy in the bunch. His eyes are so big and beautiful (have I mentioned that he's beautiful?) and so full of inquisitiveness. I wish I had a huge spendable amount of money so I could fly over to hug him and tell him he is so very loved.

For now I'll just pray for the God who loves him more than I can think or imagine to wrap His arms around my sweet boy and keep him safe.

Hey...as a sidenote...I just want to let ya'll know that being the weirdo that I am, I do check my sitemeter. So I know that at least 4 people read this blog every once in a while. Doesn't sound like a whole lot, but that could be 4 more children being sponsored and prayed for. If you'd like to sponsor a child through Compassion International...please check out the nifty button in my sidebar. If you'd like to know more about my decision to sponsor a child, go here.

If You Don't Wanna Know Don't Ask (Nuggets Of Truth And Wisdom From Teen-Agers)

2008-02-20T12:17:00.000-05:00

1. 30 is the new 'old.'

As in, "ready for the Hoveround" old.

Notable quote: "I'll settle down when I'm old, you know, like, when I'm 30." - DramaQueen (who is doomed to die at the tender age of 15 from smartaleckitis.)

2. Education is a complete and total waste of time.

Notable quote: "I'm going into the Marines, Mom. Why on earth do I need stuff like Algebra or English???" - Fuddman 13. Hubs then looks at me and says "I told you I wanted to sleep on my side of the bed that night but noooooo....somebody felt a little frisky."

Oh.

Well..I think that's enough for this week.

(Somebody please pray for me or kill me. One of the two.)

Hate the Phone...Love the Man

2008-02-19T17:18:00.001-05:00

I knew from the first moment that our relationship would not be right for me. From the get go I knew there would be pain, massive amounts of frustration, and possibly some sort of physical injury. I knew this because God, in His infinite wisdom, has seen fit to bestow upon me a weird sense of clarity and foresight that usually only comes to me as I am about to screw up big time.

Unfortunately, as I heard this phrase coming out of my mouth..."I'll take it"... I realized that I have yet to learn to heed this miraculous warning system given to me by the Maker of the Universe.

*sigh*

A powerful sense of loathing came over me as my new phone and I stared each other down. I stood there with it in my hand, the tiny little led screen flashing back at me while the saleslady hastily completed the transaction, her eyes nervously darting back and forth between me and my new "little friend." I think she was afraid I would turn into Naomi Campbell.

Yep...loathing. It's a strong emotion. It comes upon you when you realize the buttons on your new phone are so small that the 7 digits you just tried to dial actually translated into a call to Tanzania.

(Can you say "roaming charges" dear internets???)

It also comes upon you as you spend 30 minutes of precious "me" time erasing the 61 photos your husband took of the inside of his pants pocket. Because the buttons on the phone are too small to be able to enable the security lock. (Ha ha...did you catch that? I just typed "to be able to enable"...ha ha ha...apparently the phone is sucking my miniscule writing talent out of my head...ha ha ha...)

And yes, I get 30 minutes of "me" time every now and again ok? 'Cause I just got it like that a'ight? Which is the reason for point #2 of this post.

I love my man ya'll. The boy is handsome. I'm just sayin'.

And if we ever manage to get the phone out of his pocket before using the camera feature, I might post a pic.

Choosing Ivan

2008-02-19T13:44:00.000-05:00

One of the hardest things I've ever had to learn as a Christian is something I'm walking through right now. And...as with almost every issue I have it involves trust.

I had to make a choice. Actually, I had to make two choices. The first choice was to act. My second choice was Ivan.

Ivan Odembo, the newest member of my family. My Compassion child.

Just saying his name somehow fills me with love. I can't explain how I can love someone I've never met, and may quite possibly never meet. I just do.

The crazy thing about choosing Ivan was the fact that I had to choose. Which means, several hundred (possibly thousand) precious children didn't get picked.

Enter the trust issue.

As I clicked on Ivan's picture, forever making him a part of my life, I had to trust that God is sovereign and He knows the needs of all those I was not able choose. I had to trust that He will act on their behalf, and send someone to sponsor them. It's not easy to look past all those faces and pick only one. And those eyes. Heavenly Father, those eyes.

I have to trust that He is in control of their lives. Not me. And here's the difficult part...that it's ok not to be in control. To rest and relax in what tiny part He has given me to do and leave the rest to Him.

That's what I'm learning. And as I write this post I'm trusting that He will move you, dear reader, to act. To choose.

To hear more from others who have chosen to act, go here.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T17:34:00.000-05:00

I don't know who you are. I don't know your kid's names or your family history. Heck, I don't even know where you live.

But I do know one thing.

You are loved.

For all of you out there who have not heard these words today with your physical ears, or felt the warmth of a loving embrace let me encourage you.

You are loved beyond space and time, past human understanding, and without measure.

Nothing you do or don't do can increase or decrease this Love.

It is Eternal, from everlasting to everlasting.

This Love is fearless and is not ashamed of your scars.

Whoever and wherever you are, as you lay your head down tonight, I pray that today of all days, this one thought reverbates throughout your soul and takes root in your heart...

You are loved.

8 ...God is love.
9By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
10In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. (1John 4:8-10 NASB)

The Sisterhood Part II

2008-01-30T08:47:00.000-05:00

When I first wrote this post I was hoping to be able to give it the expected Cinderella ending. But something this complex couldn't really have an ending could it?

Funny how after all these years I am still so very naive. I should have known that the first encounter was only a doorway. An invitation if you will, to a total paradigm shift in my walk with God. Looking back I wonder if would have had the courage to go through the door if I'd known what I know now.

I know now that some words are way too small to convey their immense meanings. Words like "hope" and "love."

I know some heroes aren't 6ft 5 with rippling muscles and dark, wavy, perfect hair. Some are 5 foot nothing with wrinkles, bad knees and age spots. Yet they are able to leap over huge mountains with a single prayer. (Miz B...I wanna be like you when I grow up)

I know that sometimes love is not enough.

I know that God's greatest beauty is not seen in the sun rising over my beloved Smoky Mountains, or setting over the painted deserts of Arizona. It's most clearly seen in a life being transformed by His grace.

I've never had the chance again to speak to the woman in my first post. But God did answer my prayer. He gave me a second chance, and a third, and a fourth...just not with her. I now work every other weekend with women like her. Like me. My sisters.

And the story goes on.

Random Stuff

2007-04-02T17:14:00.000-04:00

Ya know...being a bad blogger isn't all it's cracked up to be. This just goes to show that you too, can leave your blog for a month (or in my case...2) and still be nominated for an award. Wow. Shalee, being the crazy yet lovable blogger that she is nominated me for the...are you ready for this?....Thinking Blogger Award. I know, I know, you are at this moment wiping away tears from cackling so hard at this nomination, but I prefer to think of them not as tears of laughter at my expense, but rather as tears of rejoicing at the blessing God has bestowed on me.

Now, according to the rules of this nomination, I am to nominate 5 other bloggers that make me think or inspire me. Hmmm...let me see...that would be...ALL of them. Unfortunately, I can't put all of you on here. Since, you know, there are like...MILLIONS of bloggers. Which just goes to show, Americans aren't as dumb as some people like to portray us. Either that or it just shows that I truly have no life. Probably the latter.

So. If you are nominated, please check out the following rules:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

Eeenee Meanie Miney Mo....I nominate....

1. A Dusty Frame - because words cannot express how much I admire her strength and her weakness. She makes my crusty heart melt with her compassion and willingness to trust the Lord no matter what her circumstances look like.

2. Antique Mommy - I know, Shalee already nominated her, but the woman makes me laugh so hard that I (and I can't believe I'm saying this...but I'm just gonna go for it) toot. And not from my mouth either. I bet THAT was a little more info than you wanted to know!!! He he he.

3. Healed Waters - this woman is so full of mercy that she makes my heart hurt. I would love to be more like her.

4. Adventures In Mercy - ok, wanna talk about someone who makes you think??? This is her. I just wanna let her know that I won't let the tiny little insignificant fact that she is no longer blogging deter me from nominating her. She does make me scratch my head.

5. Everyday Mommy - whilst EM is probably way too big for this nomination (she only gets like, thousands of e-mails a day) I would like to make it known that even though we don't always agree...the woman makes me think. She makes me dig in my bible and look stuff up FOR MYSELF!!! Shock and awe ya'll, shock and awe. EM...keep on keepin' on honey. I love your heart.

And...that's it. My nominees for the Thinking Blogger Award. Ya'll take a minute to stop by and give these ladies a minute of your time. You'll be glad you did.

Shalee...I would have nominated you, but Peach beat me to it. Thank you again my friend.

Where Did March Go? For That Matter...Where Did February Go?

2007-03-29T11:56:00.000-04:00

You've heard me say it before and I'll say it again. I'm a baaaaad blogger. *sigh*

In my defense, however, I have a new J.O.B. - and it's totally kickin' my hiney. I do have some new thoughts that have been rattling around in my noggin (yes Dory, there IS something in there) I just don't have time to get them out.

Just to give a little taste though...I've been thinking about worship a lot lately. What it is and where it comes from...that sort of thing.

Hopefully I'll get to share those thoughts some time before Jesus gets back.

Rrrrrico Suave

2007-02-06T08:42:00.000-05:00

The other night, my husband and I had the privilege of driving home 3 teenage girls. They had all just been to a Crew meeting with SRT, and were in the back seat whispering and giggling as teen-aged girls have a tendency to do. My ever-so-suave son was also in the back seat, squished over in the corner as far as he could go. (We can't afford a mini-van, so we just tend to break every safety law there is by packin'em in like a can of sardines)

Now, my son is twelve and on the cusp of puberty. He still has a few things to learn. Witness his idea of stimulating conversation.

"Hey, gas prices are $1.98!"

The dude's a lady killer, what can I say?

Amazing Love

2007-02-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at church something miraculous happened. It's almost too surreal and delicate and tender to write about. I'm tempted not to share it just yet because I want to savor it a little more. But...being the blabbermouth that I am, keeping information to myself is not my forte.

For the past month or so my parents have been coming to church with me. Yesterday, the Lord spoke very specifically to both of them and they both re-dedicated their lives to Jesus. I cannot paint the picture for you because words simply will not do it justice. I wish those of you who have been praying could have been there to witness it, but know that the Lord did hear and honor your prayers. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

To my Lord God,

You are beyond words. Your love cannot be explained or contained. I will spend eternity adoring You. All my love to You Jesus.

A Nomination? Me????

2007-02-05T10:34:00.000-05:00

Wow. I'm completely humbled. Not! ;)

Thank you to whoever (or is it whomever?) nominated me and I ask all 3 of my faithful readers to click on the picture and go vote!!!! For me!!!!

Shalee...you're already nominated in several categories and I am in awe. Good luck girly girl!

Acceptance Part II

2007-01-26T16:16:00.000-05:00

Have any of ya'll ever had publican-itis? (Read the word carefully...it's tricky)

I have. It's a particularly nasty trait that I hate to own up to, but I feel it's important to be transparent.

I have looked down my nose at sinners. There. I said it. Or rather, I typed it.

Yes, I had myself a whoppin case of publican-itis. Everytime I would watch the news and hear about somebody getting busted for drugs, or burglary I would just puff out my chest and say, "Thank you God that I'm not like them." I would then launch into a tirade about how these people should just be locked up and thrown into prison. Or, a more personal favorite, the Their Mama's Shoulda Whooped Their Hind Ends When They Were Little speech. 'Cause, you know, I'm a perfect parent.

Never once did I stop to pray and ask God to help those people. Not. Once.

So, what is it with acceptance exactly? Why are we as Christians so afraid to love?

For me it's because I've been hurt so many times. I remember what it was like being on the outside looking in and I hope to never have to be there again. When I joined my church, it felt so good to finally be loved and accepted that I was afraid that if anyone else came in, there would be no more room for me. But God's lap is so big. It has room for all of His children. Now, when I say children, I don't mean Oprah's version of God's children. Sorry to have to burst her bubble, but God's children truly are limited to those who have trusted in Jesus Christ for their salvation.

But here lately, it seems as if the church is constantly trying to separate itself from the "unsaved." Is that wise? Is that what we're supposed to do? Are we afraid that if we *gasp* allow ourselves to love sinners that we will be sullied with their sin? Do we really think that God is that stupid? I think that the church really needs to study the difference between "acceptance" and "justification."

I can accept a sinner. I am one myself. But I will not justify their actions.

Jesus likes me. He loves me. The Maker of the Universe loves me, a goofed-up, disorganized, overweight slob. Know what? He loves you too. If He loves you, I figure I can love you too.

'Nuff said.

Let Us Pray

2007-01-22T14:51:00.000-05:00

Shayne has been sucked into a blackhole of paperwork. She is working furiously to find her way to daylight, but isn't sure she can make it.

Houston...we definitely have a problem.

If all of her readers wouldn't mind sending up a few prayers, she would greatly appreciate it. Also, if anyone has seen her mind...she'd like it back.

Thank you, that is all.

I Lied

2007-01-08T17:01:00.000-05:00

I didn't get a chance to blog today. Spring Semester has started and the students are back in force! I've still got the whole "acceptance" thing on my mind though...so as soon as I get a few moments of uninterrupted peace, I'll let ya'll in on it.

I know you're dying to know. 'Cause, I'm such an intellectual and all.

NOTE: I hope that the sarcasm on that last line came through all right, but just in case it didn't...ya'll know I'm not conceited like that!

On Acceptance

2007-01-05T15:05:00.000-05:00

May I share something with you today? I know I tend to go on and on about things God shares with me, but they excite me. When I finally "get" something it, well, it turns me on so to speak.

Acceptance is a big deal for me. I won't bore you with the details of my childhood, but let's just say that middle school was not a good time for me. Consequently, my beliefs and feelings about myself were so completely scarred that I'm still dealing with the effects of it today. Over 20 years later.

But today I hit a realization. A "revelation" if you will. Jesus accepts everybody. Warts and all. Now before you slap yourself in the forehead and say, "I coulda had a V8. Is that all you're worked up over???" just hear me out a little more. I already knew that Jesus loved me. I knew He died for me. But there's a slight shade of variance between acceptance and love. I can't completely explain it, but there is. For me, love means that God had compassion for me in my pitiful state and gave Himself up for me. Acceptance means He likes me. He likes me.

Now all of you devout and learned theologians are going to start squirming at this, and it's OK, but guess what else I think. I think God likes everybody. Even the sinners.

Pick yourselves up off the floor. You look outlandish sitting down there with that look on your faces.

Perhaps I should clarify the statement a tad. I didn't say that God likes sin. I said God likes the sinners. Loves them in fact. (We already went throught the love/like thing but I still thought I'd remind ya'll of that)

So.

What does this mean for me? Well, actually it's liberating if you want to know the truth. Now, if Jesus loves/accepts everybody, especially sinners, how am I supposed to feel about them? More importantly, how am I supposed to act toward them?

Let me put it this way. Why does the church continually expect sinners to behave like they're saved before we'll love them? Why would we expect them to stop sinning before they know anything about Jesus' love/acceptance? I have my thoughts on that, but I need to flesh them out a bit more before I post. So look for part 2 on this Monday. I'm takin' the weekend off.

Isn't Jesus the greatest ever?

Romans 5:8 (New American Standard Bible)

8But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Be Perfect This Year

2007-01-04T14:33:00.000-05:00

My motto this year is "I'm not looking for perfection...just improvement." How's that for underachievement?

Seriously though...what exactly is perfection? Does God expect perfection from His children? Do you expect perfection from your children?

Consider it a poll of sorts. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, so feel free to make lovely, nice and long comments.

G'ahead...I'll wait.

Nothing Says "I Love You" Like A Be-Dazzler!

2007-01-03T16:34:00.000-05:00

My 14 year-old daughter got this for Christmas this year from my mother-in-law.

She was, well, we'll call it thrilled.

I don't mean to be ungrateful to my mother-in-law, because I'm sure she truly thought it was a good gift. And it is...for 8 year-olds.

Grandmothers be advised. Though the Christmas season is over, it's never a bad time to get a little advice on giving gifts to teen-agers.

I'm a little confused though. When my daughter was five (FIVE, I say) this same woman gave her a pair of shoes with heels that would have intimidated Pam Anderson.

Go figure.

Not To Sound Stupid But If The Shoe Fits...

2007-01-03T14:29:00.000-05:00

Hey, something I've been wondering for a while. Maybe ya'll can help me out a bit. What are links, pings, and trackbacks? I mean, what are their purposes?

Pity me, for I am ignorant.

What Did You Come To See?

2007-01-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

I have often asked God to show me His face. In my little human mind I imagine Him in all His magnificence and raging beauty, and my soul longs to encounter Him face to face. I know that many of you have that same desire. Lately though, when I ask that question, another question pops up in my heart. Perhaps "pop" isn't the correct word. It's more like the question has materialized in my heart and is growing more insistent each time I ask God to show me His face.

"What did you come to see?"

I don't like the sound of that. Jesus asked the same question of the crowds of people who had come to hear him preach. He was not talking about Himself, but John the Baptist. Still, the question rankles a bit. It keeps rattling around inside my brain and I can't seem to quiet the Voice behind it.

"What did you come to see?"

With laser precision the question reveals my heart and humbles me.

"What did you come to see?"

Honestly, I wanted to see a light show. I wanted to see and hear angels singing the "Hallelujah Chorus." I wanted to see the Glory Cloud. I didn't want to see God. I wanted to be entertained. Kind of like tourists in New York City. They don't really come to see the city. My goodness, if they want to see it they can watch CNN or "The Today Show." No, tourists go see the city so they can take pictures of it which they then use to brag to their friends that they have "been there." Probably because they've heard stories from other tourists who have "been there" and swear that it's THE city to visit, a MUST-SEE for all tourists.

I don't want to be like that with God. Tourist attractions are just what they are...a good place to visit. But I don't want to just visit with God. I want to dwell with Him.

"What did you come to see?"

God has been on this earth numerous times. At first He came and He walked with Adam in the cool of the day. Later He came to the Israelites in the Exodus as a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. The day Solomon consecrated the Temple God really showed out and the priests were knocked to the ground by the weight of His Glory. All that pomp and circumstance and we failed to understand who He is.

With the birth of Jesus, God tried a differenct tact. This time no fire from Heaven, no slaughter of animals, no trumpets blaring praise. Just a scared teenaged girl in a cave, with an even more scared middle-aged carpenter. No other witnesses to the greatest event in history save for a few sheep, possibly a cow or two and some shepherds. The most amazing thing about this story is that after all the prophecies and all the signs in the heavens, the only people who noticed were 3 magi from the east. 3 people. In the whole earth. Why is this? With all those people in the Temple, scouring the Law day and night...only 3 people got the scoop from God about His son being born. Why? Is it possible that they were the only ones who were truly looking for Him? Even the shepherds were just minding their own business tending sheep when WHAMMO! out pop myriads of angles telling of His birth. Not a whole lot of guesswork involved on their part.

"What did you come to see?"

During Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem all the "church people" are in the Temple looking for Him. They actually sent people out to shush shouting kids, WHO WERE LOOKING STRAIGHT AT HIM, because they were disrupting their church service.

"What did you come to see?"

Over and over again the majority of mankind has misinterpreted, mishandled, and misunderstood God. We have looked for Him in every place except for where He really is. Me included. He came in so many miraculous and wondrous forms and we weren't impressed. He came as a baby and we were looking for a king. Now that He is king, we want the baby back. We are never satisfied.

I asked, "Father, let me see Your face." Is it possible that he has already done so and I just didn't recognize Him? Is it possible that He has already done so and because He didn't look the way I wanted Him to, I averted my gaze and looked elsewhere?

When I looked into the despairing and frightened eyes of the Katrina victims, was that the face of God looking back at me, pleading for help? Is it possible that when I hug my kids each night before they go to bed, that I am putting my arms around Him?

Could it be that when I look in the mirror each morning and curse my nose, or my double chin, that I'm cursing God?

"What did you come to see?"

I believe in the miraculous. I believe in the angels, the sapphire sea and the wheel within a wheel. But I also believe in the tiny baby in the manger. In the every day, humdrum wonders of summer fading into autumn and winter bursting into spring. I believe in the joy of feeling my husband's heartbeat against my cheek as I lay in his arms each night. I believe the face of God is all around me. I just need to open my eyes and look at Him.

What did you come to see?

Matt. 25:34-36

34"Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
35'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;
36naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?
38'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?
39'When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?'
40"The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'
41"Then He will also say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels;
42for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink;
43I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.'
44"Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?'
45"Then He will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.'
46"These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

Blogger Hates Me

2006-12-18T13:59:00.000-05:00

You know you haven't blogged in a while when Blogger forgets who you are, and you can't remember either.

Yep.

I think I'll head over to Wal-Mart and get fitted for my leopard print bathing suit and pantyhose.

Excuses, Excuses

2006-12-12T08:23:00.000-05:00

Well blog friends I'm back. I must say it's been a rough couple of months at my house, but all is well. I finally had a breakthrough. Wanna hear it? I know you do, that's why you're still reading. It only took me say, oh, the better part of the year to figure this out. Ok, enough stalling...here goes...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 New American Standard Bible

Whew! Glad that's out. I know what you're thinking. It's so totally deep and profound and well, hey...that's just me...what can I say?

Seriously I can't believe it's taken me all this time to figure that out. I've heard that scripture most of my Christian life and I've always just sort of glossed over it and not really taken it to heart. So I guess the Lord this year has decided to shall we say...nudge me in that direction.

I've lost a lot this year. Not material goods, but rather my faith in my secure little bubble that I built for myself. My bubble exploded and with no embryonic buffer between myself and Him I had to take a hard look at some things. I couldn't understand what was happening to me or why it was happening. It made me angry.

So I asked God a few questions, most of them along the lines of "Who do You think You are????" To which He simply did not reply. He just watched me and watched over me with that infinite and infuriating patience of His. Throughout this whole year, actually my whole life, I've struggled to understand my circumstances and my environment with my own powers of reasoning. I thought, I'm a smart gal...I can figure this out...there's got to be a formula to this whole relationship thing and why God allows His people to go through all this stuff. HA HA HA! Joke's on me. There is no figuring God out.

So what does a smart gal like me do when she can't figure stuff out? She cries for a while, pouts and has a temper tantrum like any other respectable 35 year-old Super Spiritual Sista. Thank God for God. If He hadn't come along and turned the light on for me I would still be banging my head on the floor. Which hurts by the way, and I wouldn't recommend doing it.

What I'm trying to say is, when all the understanding is gone, nothing is left to us except trust. Whether we like it or not, all of us trust in something or someone. Some trust in sex or drugs, some trust in food and television (YES I WENT THERE!), some trust only in themselves. I've tried trusting in a few of those things myself and television never once helped me pay the bills. (Can I get a witness from some of you other Super Spiritual Sistas out there?)

So then what? When all of our tried and true defenses have let us down, what is next? The only logical conclusion to that is God. We must trust in Him, there is no other way. Job said, "Though He slay me, yet will I serve Him." That is not an easy statement to make, because it speaks of absolute trust in God and His sovereignty.

Now, I've got that "figured out." All I need to do now is put it into action. But that's for another post.

The Sisterhood Part I

2006-11-02T14:09:00.000-05:00

I had never seen her before, but I knew of her. I had heard her story, along with countless others, from a very dear friend of mine who works with Teen Challenge of East Tennessee. Suddenly, as I pulled up to park in front of the counseling center, she was there on the sidewalk just a little bit ahead of me. She looked directly into my eyes and I felt my heart break. She didn't have to say a word, I already knew her name. I knew the Lord was tugging at my heart to stop for a moment and speak with her, but I was too busy. I had my daughter with me and I had things to do.

So did she.

As I watched, a run-down, filthy pick-up truck drove up beside us, slowed down, stopped...and took her away. I wondered if the john would have the decency to take her some place private. Probably not.

I stole a quick glance at my daughter. Her eyes were wide open with shock. She knew what had just happened. She's almost 14 and has worked with me before, waiting tables at Teen Challenge banquets, parking cars during the fair to raise money. She knows who these women are. What she doesn't know is that she had just come face to face with the woman her mother almost became.

As I write this, I shudder at the thought of how close I was. I don't just know of this woman, I know this woman. We are members of an ancient sisterhood, she and I. One forged out of betrayal and shattered trust. I know her reasons and am well acquainted with her demons. I just wish I had had the guts and the grace to stop for just a moment to talk with her about Jesus. I could have shown her my decoder pin proving my status as an alumnus and I could have extended to her the same Grace that was extended to me. She might have taken me up on it, she might not, but at least it would have been something. It...would...have...been...something.

Instead, I took my daughter's hand and as we crossed the street, I gave thanks. Because no matter how many years have passed and no matter how far I've come, I know that it is still God's grace that gently yet firmly upholds me...keeping me from sinking into the depths. I also breathed a prayer for forgiveness, for another shot, for God's grace to cover me once more.

God save that girl, and save me from apathy.

Trolling

2006-10-02T13:06:00.000-04:00

Well, there's nothing like trolling through your past postings to make you cringe and want to cower in shame. I think I saw no fewer than 4 postings that start out with, "Sorry it has been so long since I posted" or some variation to that effect. Guess I need to make a little more time for good ol' Blogger.

Truthfully, as with many things in my life, I usually wait to write until inspirations strikes. See first paragraph for an idea of how often that happens at my house. Unfortunately, waiting for inspiration or until we "feel" like doing something, isn't always the grandest plan. Especially when it comes to worship.

It's easy for me to say, "Thank You God, You're awesome!" when things are going swimmingly. But what do we do when things are horrible? What do we do when everything around us is falling apart?

We grit our teeth and stand on faith. Faith that God is good, that He truly is worthy of all our praise and adoration. Faith that He loves us, and will never, ever, forsake us. It's during those times that miracles happen.

My friend was diagnosed with inoperable cancer two weeks ago. Without any type of warning, without any type of greeting at all this insidious disease has spread into her lungs and liver. "Nothing we can do," say the doctors. Boom, out of the blue, she's staring at eternity. Some precious ladies at church gathered with me and dared to believe that God is who He says He is, and instead of letting this horrible news get us down, we began to stand on faith and worship Him.

My friend went to Nashville for chemo in hopes of slowing down the progress of the cancer. She got the report back that not only has it slowed down...it's shrinking. Suddenly the doctors are scratching their heads and saying, "Hmmm, guess we caught it in time." Really. Is that really what happened?

I think not. I know that Father God who loves us with a love that is at once tender and terrible, has answered our prayers and honored our faith.

You go God.

Frustration

2006-09-27T09:01:00.000-04:00

Well among a myriad of other things, I'm having technical difficulties. This is why I haven't posted in a while. As I said, just one frustration among many.

I'm also going through this major self pity party. Wanna join me? Misery does love company. C'mon...join in, look, we can do it together. Ready? 1...2...3...Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

Ok, enough whining.

Here's my trouble. I want to be close to God. Close as in, face to face. I can feel His spirit drawing me, calling me closer, but I'm not impressed. I've lost my passion. I want to get closer, but I don't want to move and I'm frustrated by that. Ever been in this postition? Nobody can help you when it's like this, because what it really comes down to is a decision. A decision to follow God no matter what. Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can make the decision.

Why are we like this? (I am assuming I'm not the only one hence the term "we") How do we get to be this way? I can see the table set before me....it's filled with good things to eat...I'm hungry...so, why aren't I picking up the spoon and digging in?

I had a really great friend once. One of those rare individuals who was excited and joyous about following God. She made the most of every opportunity to seek after Him and the passion that she had was infectious. It infected me. Now she's gone and I haven't been the same since. Perhaps I lived my relationship with God too much through her. Not a good thing. We can't worship vicariously. A pastor I once knew said that worship is not a spectator sport. Ain't it the truth.

God, renew my passion and joy in You.

" Be rainfall on cut grass,
earth-refreshing rain showers.
Let righteousness burst into blossom
and peace abound until the moon fades to nothing.
Rule from sea to sea,
from the River to the Rim." From Psalm 72 the Message version.

5 Weird Things About Me

2006-09-08T16:36:00.000-04:00

I'm a horrible blogger. I have probably already lost my adorable rodent status on TTLB, but I can't bear to look at my sidebar to see. I am so ashamed. Especially after all those nice things that Keri said about me. *sigh*

I'm so bad that I hadn't noticed until today that I had been tagged for a meme. Last month.

Shalee from Shalee's Diner tagged me and is asking me to list 5 weird things about myself or my pet. Since I don't have a pet, I guess it has to be about me. If I haven't already lost all 3 of my readers, this ought to do the trick.

1. I hate long fingernails. Not on other people, just me. I am constantly trimming my fingernails. I suppose it has to do with the fact I type a lot. Yeah, that sounds good...I'll blame it on my job.

2. I love peanut butter and cheese. Together. Talk about heart attack city baby. I don't eat them often, but sometimes a craving for a peanut butter and cheese sandwich just overtakes me. I have to make them when my husband isn't around because it grosses him out.

3. In keeping with a fine southern tradition (and because I love food) I eat ketchup on just about everything. Except cereal. I draw the line there. You gotta have standards, know what I mean???

4. I have two names. At work, people call me by my first name. Family, friends, and church family call me by my middle name. Sometimes it's a struggle to remember who I am.

5. When I was a teenager I was convinced that Boy George was straight. I'm not quite sure if that can be chalked up to weirdness or just total stupidity mixed with a heavy dose of denial. I'll tumble 4 ya, I'll tumble 4 ya, I'll tumble 4 yoooouuuuu...c'mon, you know you wanna sing along.

Well, that's my top 5. At least, of the ones I'm willing to admit to. Now I have to tag 5 people. Do I know 5 other bloggers??? Let's see, I tag Stephanie at Into The Depths, Paulette, Literature Lover, YewNork Babe, and Truevyne. That is, if they are still checking in with me.

Shalee's Diner: The Hot Water Bottle

2006-08-23T13:05:00.000-04:00

Take a moment today and stop by Shalee's Diner for a bite. You'll be glad you did.Shalee's Diner: The Hot Water Bottle

An Eventful Day

2006-08-22T08:07:00.000-04:00

Two very monumental events happened yesterday. I'm surprised that the earth did not stop spinning on it's axis to mark the occasion.

FIRST: My son, my youngest, my baby, entered into...dare I say it...MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!! Cue: Twilight Zone music.

Now, I handled Kindergarten just fine. I was brave and DID NOT CRY. I did well with Intermediate School, but MIDDLE SCHOOL?!? Cue: Twilight Zone Music. On the outside, my face was calm and reassuring as I dropped him off. But as soon as the car door slammed shut it took all I had to restrain myself from screaming, "No...get back here! You're too young to be sacrificed to those hoodlums!" (Cause, you know, my son is perfect...it's everyone else that's crazed)

In fact, all that escaped me was a strangled "Eep!" Once more, his face, still showing traces of the baby he had been looked into mine. He grinned, waved, and then he was gone. Lost in a sea of pre-pubescent angst and pimple cream. And I was left wondering where the time has gone.

SECOND: (and on a much happier note) My blog was spotlighted by Kari, a blogger at Christian Women Online. Thanks Kari for the wonderful post! (I promise, my head only swelled up the teensiest bit...like...twice it's normal size) If you'd like to read what she wrote...go here.

As I said before folks, it was a monumental day.

Sidenote: Fuddman survived his first day at Middle School. So far, I haven't had to answer any strange questions or worse, re-direct him to his father for information, however, I will keep you posted as the year progresses. Pray. For. Me.

The One Place I Really Want To Go

2006-08-18T15:00:00.000-04:00

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

I found this at(where else?) EveryDay Mommy and thought it was really cute. It was fun to go back over my life and remember all the places I lived as a kid. I also lived in Germany twice, and visited Holland and Mexico. (Not at the same time.) In case you haven't figured it out by now...I was an Army Brat.

Not only did this map get me to thinking about where I've been, it also made me think about where I want to go. And right now, the place I want to visit the most can't be found on a map.

10"My beloved responded and said to me,
'(X)Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along.
11'For behold, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
12'The flowers have already appeared in the land;
The time has arrived for pruning the vines,
And the voice of the (Y)turtledove has been heard in our land.
13'The (Z)fig tree has ripened its figs,
And the (AA)vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance.
Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along!'"
14"O (AB)my dove, (AC)in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret place of the steep pathway,
Let me see your form,
(AD)Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your form is (AE)lovely."

That's where I want to go. The Secret Place. I'm weary of the trouble going on in this world. I'm weary of hearing the stories of JonBenet Ramsey's alleged killer. You know the Bible does say that there are some sins that aren't even to be uttered. We do not need to know every sordid detail in other people's lives.

Yup. I'm tired. I need refreshment and restoration. To borrow some verse from the Dixie Chicks:

Father take me away
Fly this girl as high as You can into the wild blue
Set me free Lord I pray
Closer to Heaven above and closer to You
Closer to You

Yup. I think it's time to soak up some of the Son. Grab a little R&R if you will. See ya'll later.

Lesson in Humility # 142,639

2006-08-15T13:40:00.000-04:00

I went to visit my cousin this past weekend. Somehow the conversation turned to blogging and my cousin said, "I don't blog. I think it's very presumptuous of a person to believe that other people might care to read about what they think on any given subject."

Ouch.

Children are a Blessing

2006-08-07T09:59:00.000-04:00

I work at a University. With the exception of the other secretary in my office, all the ladies I work with are young professionals. Smart, efficient, goal-oriented women. They have a college degree, (some of them several) and they are confident and wonderful women with bright outlooks on the future. In some ways I envy them.

In some ways I don't.

I don't have a college degree. I got married at 19, had my first child by the time I was 21, and my life has mainly consisted of working to make sure my family survives. I have goals, to be sure, it's just that more often than not, life happens and reaching my goals has to be put off for a while. I'm not upset about it, that's just the way it is. For the most part, I love my life. I am enthralled with my kids, I've been blessed with an amazing man to share them with, and most of all, an amazing network of friends, relatives, and church family to help us through the tough spots. All in all, God has blessed me more than I could have ever thought or hoped or dreamed.

So what does this have to do with the price of bananas in Shanghai?

During lunch the other day, the young professionals in our office were talking about their plans for the near future. One young lady has been married for a year, and they just recently purchased a house. When asked if she wanted to have children, she replied, "Yes, but not until I'm 30. Oh, wait, that's just 4 years away." At this revelation, it was evident that she began to get nervous. She began to stammer about how "their" (meaning her and hubby's) plans might not be ready by then. Talk then began to turn to how children are such a burden and a responsibility. One woman remarked that it gave her the heebie jeebies to think about having a child. As they were talking I wondered, "Lord, when did "mother" become a dirty word?"

Silently, the other secretary and myself shared a knowing look.

You see, she doesn't have a degree either. She is an older woman, and was raised in an era where women cherished their families, and their highest and most loftiest goal, was to be a mother. She has two children and is now a grandmother. And she and I share a deep wisdom that these women, with their college degrees and hard earned knowledge, may never understand.

And that is this...that children, although they come with great responsibility, are gifts from the Lord. And all the hardship, sleepless nights, money spent, and prayers sent cannot begin to compare to the blessing of chubby little arms reaching out for a hug. Or the smell of your newborn's skin as it lies on your chest.

We martyr ourselves time and time again on the altar of the PTA, BandBoosters, and the Boy Scouts for the thrill of pride that cracks your heart as you begin to see glimpses of the adult that is forming in your teen-ager. And then finally, after years of toil and work, the coup de grace. Grandchildren.

Young ladies, young professionals, you are all beautiful and I salute you. But you can have your degrees and your titles, your careers and your tailored suits. Take them all girls and more power to you, but as for me and others like me, we have bigger fish to fry. You see, while you plan for the future...we are busy molding it.

I'm Over It Now

2006-08-03T23:02:00.000-04:00

Well, apparently, no one had any suggestions for me. I guess that means we're all in the same boat?!? Either that or it's just that nobody read my blog. Probably the latter.

I'm over my temper tantrum now and am back on track. I still don't have much to say though. I guess I have a bad case of blogger's block.

I just got through listening to an awesome song by Misty Edwards called I Sleep. BEAUTIFUL!!! Misty, if you're reading this (it could happen!)fantastic job!

Man...I need a life.

I Thought This Was A Christian Blog...

2006-07-26T12:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I decided to put a video on my blog. For those of you who don't know...the song is called "Broken" and it's sung by Seether and Amy Lee from Evanescence. (I hope I spelled the band names right.)

No, they are not Christian artists, and the song isn't intended to be about the relationship between a man and God. But, I was introduced to this song by the bassist in our worship band. He asked me if I would be willing to sing the song with him in church one Sunday. When I heard the song I fell in love with it. I love the power of it and the aching lonesomeness of the lyrics. And yes, I think it is very applicable to my relationship (as well as other people's if they were truthful) with Jesus.

I am broken when I'm not with Him. When I'm out on my own...doing my own thing, the pressures of the world inevitably break me. Always, I run back to Him, and again I am broken. Broken by the foolishness of my pride and my arrogance against Him. Which is, basically where I'm at today. Raging against my stupidity. Trying to find that place of repentance. It's not coming very easily...for some reason that I can't fathom, I don't really want to let go of my life.

The silly thing is...this is America. I mean, c'mon...it's not like I'm gonna get thrown into jail if I suddenly change my ways are start telling everyone I know about what Jesus has done for me. At least, not yet anyway.

I've read Jesus Freaks. And I was freaked out! Some of those martyrs were as young as 8 years old! And here I can't seem to find enough gumption to get rid of some of the weights and sins that so easily entangle me. Laziness that's what it is...just pure old laziness. And pride. Lots and lots of pride.

So...if anyone out there is by some miracle still reading this (since I haven't blogged in a month)...if you have ANY suggestions that might be help me find my way, I'm all ears.

I Just Thought I'd Try This Video Thingy

2006-07-25T12:56:00.000-04:00

I thought it looked neat, so I thought I'd try it. I hope I did it right. I love this song and I love whoever thought up the LOTR concept.

Hope you enjoy it.

Trust

2006-07-03T20:47:00.000-04:00

Hello friends. I've been out of commission for the past week or so due to the fact that I was on vacation. The last week has been, you know I hate to use cliches but what the heck, the worst of times and the best of times. Maybe someday I'll blog about it but not today.

Today is about trust. Trust in God to be more specific. I've been sort of chatting back and forth with my pal at Into The Depths about it, and I must say, it's been a difficult thing to think about. How do you begin to fathom trusting in an unseen God, the invisible Ruler of the Universe, when you've been betrayed by almost every authority figure in your life? All of them visible, by the way.

It's a touchy subject, if you haven't been able to guess that already.

In thinking it over, I began to almost despair of finding a true reason to trust God. I mean, as a child, my grandparents took me to church as often as they could. What the preacher talked about planted a seed in my heart and I have always just taken it for granted that there is a God. Of that I have no doubt. But why trust Him? Most of the experiences in my childhood clearly spoke to the contrary. To trust someone meant getting hurt, and I learned early on that survival meant trusting in myself alone.

But after a while, surviving on my own became overwhelming. The pain of some of my experiences was too great to bear and it almost killed me. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had to either trust someone, or rather SomeOne, and risk being destroyed, or keep all to myself and let it destroy me anyway. Fortunately, I chose God.

Still, that's just one way of looking at it. It's kind of a skewed way of looking at it if I do say so myself. My reason for trusting God in the beginning shouldn't have come because I felt I had no other choice. I should have made a more informed decision. I could have tried reading my Bible and then making up my mind, but I just decided to go for it based on other people's testimony. Not that I'm complaining, but I could have saved myself years of torment if I had taken the time to study God by His description of Himself, rather than other people's. But I digress.

So, other than the "Do Or Die" method, why should I trust God? What evidence is there of His trustworthiness? Maybe the question should be, why shouldn't I trust God?

What I'm saying is, all my reasons for distrusting God have been based on the actions of some depraved human beings. But is that fair to God? I mean, isn't it sort of laughable to try to compare God to humans? Or vice versa? We know better than to compare the power of a flashlight to the power of the sun don't we? Isn't that sort of the same thing?

In other words, if God isn't human, then why do we judge Him according to human standards? Human beings are weak and can't be trusted. History has shown us that much over and over again. So, if we can't judge God according to human standards (and really we shouldn't be judging Him at all, but that's what we do) then how do we know He is trustworthy? How do we know He is good?

By looking at what God has done, not what humans have done. God created the earth and all the fascinating creatures that dwell in it. He created the heavens and the stars, the sun and moon. Have you ever watched the Discovery channel? Have you seen just how marvelously made our bodies are??? Have you seen the news story of the man who has been in a coma for 20 years and while he was out, his brain re-wired itself? Now he's waking up and talking!!! After 20 years! What a masterpiece of creation! What a work of genius! Our bodies are amazing.

Someone somewhere once said that no mean woman could ever be a good cook, because it takes a generous heart to prepare a good meal for a family. If that's true, if creating a good meal for your family is a work of love, then how much more is it to create a something as wonderful as a man or woman? God is not sadistic, He's not mean, He's not hateful. If He was, it would be impossible for Him to create the beauty that we take for granted every day.

God does not need me to defend Him, and that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to challenge anyone who reads this to look at God from a different perspective. Jesus told the Pharisees (and I'm paraphrasing here), "Hey look, if you can't believe me based on what I'm telling you, at least look at what I've done...look at the miracles I've done, and believe Me based on that."

Take a look around you...look at what God has done...and believe.

Haiku

2006-06-23T17:00:00.000-04:00

I really like the depth of meaning that can be found in Haiku poetry. I love the challenge that comes with attempting to convey a picture with only 17 syllables. It's not easy!!!

Here is one I wrote today...hope you like it.

glimpses of the woman
flashing in her child laughter
my heart splits in two

I just dabble in it...I'm not even a novice at it. I just like to try it. It helps to bring in a sense of calmness in an otherwise crazy day. If you'd like to know more about Haiku try clicking here. Hopefully that link will work! :)

Try it out if you get the chance...like I said, it's not easy, but when you get one out it can be very beneficial in relieving stress. If you do try one...leave it in my comments. I'd love to see what you've got.

Insignificant?!? I Think Not!

2006-06-21T15:46:00.000-04:00

Ladies and Germs! Please direct your attention to the sidebar and note that I have now been officially labelled an "Insignificant Microbe" by that wonderfully wacky technobear at TTLB. Nevermind that I have no clue what I'm doing, and wouldn't know a ping from a link. Technobear has got me under control! (His name is really NZ Bear, but I think Technobear has a nice ring to it don't you?)

Do not underestimate the power of a microbe! Without us, that juicy cheeseburger you're lusting over for dinner would remain stuck in your esophagus....never able to reach it's intended destination. Without us, dead people would never shrivel up and become fertilizer for daisies!!!! Microbes are important!!!! Microbes RULE!!!!

***NOTE: The blogger formerly known as "Shayne" has taken a short leave of her senses due to mega-amounts of stress caused by a breakdown of her central heating and air unit. As soon as the temperature inside her house lowers to livable conditions she will return. We hope. We apologize to her readers (all 3 of them) for having to be subjected to a not very funny post about nothing. That is all.***

Light in Darkness

2006-06-20T09:39:00.000-04:00

God amazes me. I know that's a really worn out line, and everyone feels that way about God, but truly, He amazes me.

My mother and father are in crisis right now. It looks like their marriage is about to end, and with that knowledge pounding in my brain, darkness has settled into every nook and cranny of my life. The wheres and the whycomes are not necessary. It's exhausting enough just to ponder the fact that 36 years of work and love and tears and devotion are over.

Death in any form is painful, but watching the death of a marriage is particularly excruciating. Smiles should not weigh a thousand pounds. The pain of having to see the fear that lurks in the back of your children's eyes as they wonder if the cancer of Divorce could spread to Mommy and Daddy should be reserved only for perpetrators of the most heinous acts of human depravity. Yet, even here in this evil place, God is making His presence known. He reminded me the other night that He is still here and that He will always be here.

I was out at the end of my driveway. It was around 10 pm, and I was praying and crying out to God. There was no one to answer (so I thought) except the crickets and ever vocal tree frogs. (For those of you who don't know...I live in paradise.)

As I stood there I looked at the pasture across the road and saw thousands of fireflies lighting up the trees. They were going crazy flashing their little buggy behinds off. Even the stars in the sky were luminous and bright. I think some were winking at me!

Everywhere around me light was piercing darkness.

It wasn't much...but it was more than enough.

But the basic reality of God is plain enough. Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can't see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being. Romans 1:20 (MSG)

New Blog Discovery

2006-06-20T09:29:00.000-04:00

Ok, ok I know I've been a bad blogger. It's been days and days since my last post but honestly...things have not been great on my little side of the world.

I have, however, been visiting all my favorites and have just today discovered a new favorite. Her name is Antique Mommy and she is absolutely fabulous. If you want to laugh and cry all in the same breath check her out.

You won't be disappointed.

Wanted: Desperation

2006-06-12T11:19:00.000-04:00

Desperate:

1 a : having lost hope, a desperate spirit crying for relief : giving no ground for hope the outlook was desperate
2 a : moved by despair victims made desperate by abuse b : involving or employing extreme measures in an attempt to escape defeat or frustration made a desperate leap for the rope3 : suffering extreme need or anxiety desperate for money4 : involving extreme danger or possible disaster a desperate situation
5 : of extreme intensity
6 : SHOCKING, OUTRAGEOUS

This is Webster's definition of the word. Still, I find myself asking...what does it mean to be desperate?

Yesterday morning during worship my congregation sang Breathe. If you've never heard it before, it's on Vineyard's Hungry CD. I think Kathryn Scott is the vocalist. Anyway, the song is hauntingly beautiful, and whenever we sing it I just get lost in the Presence of God.

Yesterday was different.

I found myself wondering if I am truly desperate for God. There is an old joke that says christians don't tell lies they sing them. I'm inclined to believe that.

I love God, truly I do, but am I desperate for Him? Would I go to any lengths to please Him? Would I, like the woman with the issue of blood, be willing to get down on my knees and crawl through the crowd just to touch the hem of His garment? Would I be able to throw all of my dignity out the window and scream out His name at the top of my lungs like blind Bartimaeus to get His attention? Would I be willing to endure insults like the Syrophoenician woman? Would I be willing to push past every hypocritical, religious, member of the church just to kneel at his feet and anoint them with my tears? Would you?

I don't want to be a nut or a fruit loop. I don't think that's the kind of devotion that God is looking for. But to be so in love with Him that I can't get enough of Him...that would be great.

God, make me desperate for You.

Am I Living The Same Day Over And Over?

2006-06-06T22:28:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure what my title means, but it sounds good.

Actually, my pastor brought up that point in his sermon a couple of Sundays ago. He said, "Have I lived 57 years, or have I lived the same year 57 times?"

Well, it got me thinking. What am I doing? Am I just treading water, or am I living my life to it's fullest potential? Unfortunately, I think my hands and feet are all pruny from being in the water so long.

I'm not saying that I have to learn to go skydiving or anything like that, but it would be nice to take the time to lift up my head every now and then and enjoy the moment, instead of always waiting for something better to come along. So I am devising a new plan.

I am going to take a moment each day and take a look around. I'm going to attempt to really see my surroundings and just enjoy. I live across the street from a cow pasture. It smells wonderful this time of year, because there aren't any cows in the field (which means no nasty cow pies) and it's overgrown with honeysuckle vines and blackberry brambles. Delicious. I can watch the lightnin' bugs at night and just listen to the crickets and frogs carrying on. I live in paradise actually.

Anyhow, I'm going to take 60 seconds out of my day to look, take a deep breath, and give thanks to God for blessing me with such a beautiful environment. I may even take those 60 seconds to hug my daughter. I'll set the egg timer and make her let me hug her for the whole minute. I've done it before, and sometimes a hug like that can penetrate her spirit more deeply than spoken "I love you's." I'll just look past all the eye rolling and pay no attention to the whole "Mom you're choking me" thing. Or, I might take that 60 seconds to have a farting contest with my son! We'll laugh 'til we pee on ourselves. Maybe we'll hold DramaQueen hostage until she joins in with us! It's gross, but gas works better with guys than hugs do. Go figure.

Oh man ya'll...life is so good. Let's not miss it! I don't care how bad your circumstances are (I didn't say life is perfect, I said life is good) I challenge you to take one minute out of your day to look up, look around, and give thanks. Even if the only thing you can truly be thankful for is the air you're breathing. I'll bet whatever load you're carrying will be a little lighter.

Try it for the next 7 days. You have nothing to lose except 490 seconds of your life. Do check in with me and let me know how it's going! If you want...share your ideas for 60 second life refreshers...I'd love to hear your ideas.

I'm A Chick!

2006-06-02T15:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I don't know about you, but all this blogging craziness has just got me bleary-eyed. First I change my template (which I really like), then I get tagged, and now...I'm a chick. Words just cannot express.

I actually dreamed about blogging last night. Is that an indicator that I'm spending way too much time thinking about this? Am I nuts or weird or anything? Have any of you all experienced this phenomena? Drop a comment and let me know. By the way, do check out the Blogging Chicks Blogroll I have installed. Bloghop to your little bloggy content. Ciao ya'll!

I GOT TAGGED!!!!

2006-06-01T22:18:00.000-04:00

I'm in. I've made it. I am here, baby!!! I got tagged! Nevermind that I had to beg like a shameless hussy for it...I got tagged! Thanks to Theresa the YewNorkBabe (what a great name!) we're going to talk about 10 little words friends and neighbors! That's right! It's time to play:

TEN SIGNIFICANT WORDS THAT START WITH THE LETTER "S"

1. Sunshine - love it...gotta have it.
2. Salvadore - one of my favorite Christian groups
3. Shayne - it's my name, it was a pain, when i was a kid so...don't wear it out!
4. Scrumptious - See post below.
5. Snickers - my favorite candy bar
6. She-Bop - a song I used to love to sing when I was a kid. I recently found out what it really meant though and I was ...
7. SHOCKED - That's right. I had no idea that she-bopping is...well...what it is.
8. Sing - that's what I love to do
9. Smalls - the name of a character in one of my favorite movies The Sandlot. "You're killin' me Smalls!" Favorite quote from aforementioned movie.
10. Sally Sells Sea Shells By the Seashore - I'm not sure if that qualifies or not, but I got in trouble for saying it one time. My brother and I were having a contest to see who could say it the fastest. Well, you try it and see what comes out! I couldn't sit down for dinner that night I'll just tell you!

Well...that's it. That's my super scrumdiddlyumptious "S" word list. Betcha thought I was gonna say a wirty dord dincha? If you wanna be tagged let me know. I'll think up a letter for you!

Oh Look, A Meme

2006-06-01T16:22:00.000-04:00

I stole this from Everday Mommy. Hope you like it.

BERNARD PIVOT
And, now from that insufferable beacon of self consumption, Inside the Actor's Studio, the Bernard Pivot MEME!

What is your favorite word? Scrumptious
What is your least favorite word? Snot
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? A starlit sky in the summertime, with the smell of honeysuckle thick in the air.
What turns you off? Children who talk back to their parents and parents who allow it.
What is your favorite curse word? Crap
What sound or noise do you love? My son's laughter.
What sound or noise do you hate? Children cursing (I really don't mean to pick on children...I just hate to hear something so ugly coming out of something so precious)
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Veterinarian or Obstetrician.
What profession would you not like to do? Ditchdigging.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Good job kid.

A New Look, Intro to the Fam and Weirdo Baseball Parents!

2006-05-31T13:12:00.000-04:00

Well??? Whaddaya think? Like the new template? I love black, but I got to thinking about it. It didn't look very warm or inviting. Actually, it looked like I was speeding through a black hole in space, and that's not the impression one wants to give off when talking about Jesus now is it?

I wasn't really planning on blogging at this moment, but since I'm already here...I don't believe I have formally introduced my family to you. I'm married to a wonderful man whom I shall call, oh I don't know let me see...how about Sexy Man Of God? No no no, cause then I'd call him SMOG for short and that doesn't sound good. I know! Sweetie Pie! He'll love that.

Sweetie Pie and I (has a nice ring to it don't it?) just celebrated 15 glorious years of marital bliss and harmony. Actually it's more like we survived 15 glorious years of marital bliss and harmony. I'm starting to wonder just how much more bliss we can handle.

We have two fabulous kids. A daughter named Drama Queen (DQ) and a son named Fuddman. Fuddman is currently involved in baseball which brings me to my real topic for today.

Baseball parents are weird people. Have you been to a Little League baseball game lately? If not, you're really missing out on some major entertainment. But if you do decide to take in a game, think about taking some protective headgear or something...those people are deadly. Why do you think the umpires wear all that stuff? It's not the fear of a wayward baseball my friends. Oh no no no. It's to protect them from little Johnny's parents everytime sweet little Major-League-bound Johnny gets a "bad call."

Normal, sweet-tempered, church going moms suddenly turn into snarling potty mouths and men of God come to blows over which kid should play pitcher. Super couples who used to go to bible studies together suddenly have a falling out because of something that happened on the baseball field. Where does all this craziness come from?

I, too, have felt the pull of anger when another kid or another parent says unkind things to Fuddman, or when the umpire calls a strike on something that clearly was a ball. But why? Why is the need for our children to be the "star" so overwhelming? Could it be due to our own selfish desires to live vicariously through our children's victories and accomplishments?

Man, that was a mouthful.

I want my son to do well. I love my son, and each time he succeeds in reaching whatever goal he has set for himself, a thrill of pride runs right through me. But whether my son succeeds all the time or not is not what makes me a complete person or even a great mom. What makes me great is when I teach him to lose with grace or to get back up when he gets knocked down. And it is God, and He alone, who completes me. For me to put that kind of responsibility on my son's shoulders is wrong. So, dear readers pray for me.

I'm off to watch my boy play ball.

Long time no blog!

2006-05-30T22:43:00.000-04:00

Hey ya'll. Sorry it's been so long...lots of stuff happening. My life has just gone sort of topsy turvy, and well....that just doesn't set to well with moi.

Anyhoo, I've a question for you. Why is it that we are never satisfied with God's approval of us? Why are we constantly worried about what other people think of us instead?

Anyone have an answer for me? I'd love to hear your opinions. By the way, for all of you kind souls who have stopped by my humble abode and left your comments, I appreciate you! It's nice to know that there are others out there who may not necessarily agree with your tactics but still understand what you're going through.

During my silent time I have been trolling a few blogs and I've been following along the adventures of Lovebug and Everyday Mommy. Good stuff! If you haven't had the chance to, stop by her place. I promise you, your time will not be wasted.

On Mercy

2006-04-23T00:52:00.000-04:00

Tonight my heart is full and my mind is overflowing with thoughts and ideas that are racing in a competition to be heard and understood. Please forgive me if I ramble or babble. I am not a professional writer and these past few days I've seen some magnificent blogs. I almost have blog envy.

Still, in spite of my shortcomings I find myself at my computer typing madly in an effort to regain mastery over my frenzied thoughts and make them come out in an orderly fashion. What is all the excitement about you ask???? God's infinite mercy. His complete and total love for us. I'm tellin' ya it's got me all twitterpated and google-eyed.

I can hear you saying, "Oh, is that all? God's love and mercy? Yawn. Heard it, read about it, starred in the video." Yes, yes I know you've heard a billion sermons on the subject, but have you ever had a revelation about it? Has God's love and mercy ever become real to you? Maybe you're like me. You know that God loves you but you take that love for granted. Or, maybe you believe that God's love and mercy applies to everyone else on the planet except you. Well hold on to your hats people, because you are about to get a refresher on the depth of God's love and mercy.

First of all, let me just say that God's love and mercy applies to everyone. That's right, I said everyone. I don't care if you've slept with every guy/girl on the block, had fifteen abortions and smoke crack, God's love and mercy is available to you. It even applies to all of us "churched" folk who have become disillusioned, bored, and only go to church out of habit instead of love for God. It's there. For free. No strings attached.

How do I know? I've experienced it. But rather than go into the details of my sordid past, (because, let's face it...I could be lying to you. Remember the author of A Million Little Pieces? Uh, huh, moving on now...) I'm going to give you an example from the bible. The past couple of weeks I've been involved in a bible study about King David. Who he is, what he's like, yada yada yada. Anyway, it's a great study conducted by Mike Bickle of Kansas City IHOP (International House of Prayer). He pointed out an amazing verse that just absolutely blew me away.

Acts 13:22 "And after He (God) had removed him (King Saul...David's predecessor), He raised up David to be their (the Jews) king, concerning whom He testified saying, "I have found David, son of Jesse, A MAN AFTER MY HEART, who will do all My will." NASB version, parentheses mine.

Everyone who's read the bible knows this description of David very well. He was a man after God's heart. However, look at the last bit of the verse..."who will do all my will." Those of us who have read the Old Testament know that David screwed things up a lot. I mean, one very famous instance is his relationship with Bath Sheba. She's married, David takes her anyway and has sex with her (an offense punishable by death in those days), gets her pregnant while her husband (Uriah) is away fighting David's battle. David brings him home, tries to get Uriah drunk so he'll sleep with Bath Sheba in order to try to cover up her pregnancy, but when that doesn't work, David has Uriah deliberately sent to the front lines of the battle where he is killed. So now, not only is David an adulterer he's a murderer. This is a man after God's heart, who will do all His will???? Ummm....what???

How did David get a description like that, not from men mind you, but from God...and yet he's a major screw up??? The answer is this: David was completely sorry for what he had done and went to God and repented. Meaning, David acknowledged his sin against God and Uriah and then turned away from it. He stopped behaving like a lunatic. And God forgave him completely. Not only that, but He restored David to a right relationship with Himself. Immediately. No waiting involved. And not only that, but God totally wiped the slate clean. Once David repented, God never again remembered David's sin. To God, it was as though David had never sinned in the first place; he was a man who "will do all My will."

I'm reminded of my kids. When they were little and they did something wrong, they would just come to me and say "Mommy I'm sorry" and I would hug them and forgive them and they would go on their merry way. Not once did they ever come back and say, "Oh, but mommy, you can't just forgive me like that. I'm a bad person. You have to punish me because of what I've done. And if you don't do it, I'll do it myself. Please mommy, please, put me in the corner." Nope, not once did I ever get that from my kids. They just accepted my forgiveness and all was right with the world. Too bad we're not like that with God. We say we're sorry, and then, when God doesn't strike us down with fire and brimstone we punish ourselves. We beat ourselves up with guilt and shame instead of just accepting the gift of forgiveness and moving on. Or worse, we believe that our sin is so bad and so monstrous that Jesus could never forgive us. How sad. We must make God cry an awful lot. II Corinthians 5:21 says, "He (God) made Him who knew no sin (Jesus), to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God through Him." NASB, parentheses mine.

All of our sins have been nailed to the cross. They are gone completely. All we have to do is accept the gift that Jesus offers, and move into a life of obedience through love. Have you sinned? NEWSFLASH: YOU'RE NOT ALONE. You're not weird. Chances are you've been doing what millions of other people have been doing throughout the ages. Accept Jesus' precious gift of forgiveness, and move on. If you are reading this, and you don't know Jesus, then I challenge you to find a bible somewhere and read the Gospel of John. Go to your local library, they should have a copy, or go to biblegateway.com and read it online. I suggest the Message version because the language is modern and easier to understand. Anyhoo, read the Gospel of John and ask God to reveal Himself to you. I promise you, you will come away changed. I know I did.

2006-04-22T14:27:00.000-04:00

On Patience

2006-04-19T16:38:00.000-04:00

God has taught me many lessons through my kids. Some lessons were kind of funny and made me laugh at myself, some made me want to cringe and cower in shame. Some just made me think.

A few years ago, I was at the kitchen stove stirring up a storm, trying to get dinner ready in a hurry. I had stuff to do you know??? I'm not that good of a cook, so I don't take a whole lot of pleasure in cooking. (My husband once told me I had a way with meat if that's any indication to you...) Anyway, like I said, I had stuff to do. Like worry some more over bills that we couldn't pay, (as if my worrying was going to change anything) and growl at anyone who tried to make me feel better. In other words, I was not in a good mood.

As I'm cooking, I'm having a conversation with God. It went something like this:

Me: "God, You know we're in a bind. HELP!!!"

God: (silence, crickets chirping in the background)

Me: "Didn't you hear me God???? I need a miracle here. You know, as in biblical type proportions. And I mean I need it ASAP!!!!"

Enter 5 year old son.

Son: "Mom, is dinner ready yet???" Cute smiles and puppy dog eyes.

Me: "No son, dinner is not ready yet. I'll call you first thing as soon as it is." Roll eyes, think jeez, can't the kid see I'm stirring here???

Me: "Ok, where was I God? Oh yeah, ummm, about that miracle. Didn't you see me tithing last week???? I REALLY need to capitalize on that today if possible." sidenote: My ideas about tithing weren't always altruistic back then.

God: (more silence)

Son: "Hi, mom, is dinner ready yet???"

Me: "Son, you are going to have to be more patient. I promise, I will let you know the minute it's finished." Great balls of fire....I know the boy can see me standing here, stirring away....we just had his vision checked. Why on earth is he so worried??? Doesn't he believe me when I say he'll be the first to know??

Me: "Ok, Lord, You know I can't take much more of this. I really need You to let me know what You're going to do right now."

Son: "Hi mommy. Is dinner ready now?"

Me: Sighing and snorting "Son, I promise you I will LET YOU KNOW. Please be a little patient!" Lord, I have never allowed that child to go to bed hungry...what is the problem here???

God: "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Me: "HELP!"

God: "No, no, that last part, about never allowing your child to go hungry..."

Me: light bulbs going off "Oh...heh heh, yeah. Well, the thing is God, I'm really needy right now and uh..."

God: "I'm still stirring. When I'm done, you'll be the first to know. By the way, you really should try some of that patience stuff you keep preaching to your son."

Well, there you have it folks, Object Lesson On Patience #12,348. Aren't children great? Isn't God awesome? He did take care of that little matter by the way, just like He always has. So, how about you??? Are you worried? Afraid God has forgotten about your needs? Take it from me...He's still stirring.

An A-Ha Moment

2006-04-10T00:12:00.000-04:00

It's kind of funny how you can be driving along, minding your own business, and then POW!!! God enters the scene. That's sort of what happened to me today, but in order for you, the reader, to understand what I'm about to say I have to give you some background info. That way you'll chuckle at the appropriate places.

First, I'm a mom. Two kids and a husband. I'm mid thirties (where does the time go?), and I've just entered the teen-age years with my daughter. I know, I know, I need prayer and a couple of boxes of Miss Clairol. Second, and maybe I should have listed this one first, I'm totally into Jesus. You've maybe heard of a book by Rick Warren called The Purpose Driven Life? Well, I have, or am attempting to have, a relational driven life. In attempting to pursue this kind of lifestyle, I have learned two things: 1. God loves me more than I can ever think or imagine.
2. It's not about me. At all. It's all about Jesus.

Now, when I say that I have learned those two things, perhaps I should clarify and say that although I have learned those precepts, I also tend to forget them quite often and need to be reminded. Especially the second one. Which sort of brings me to my topic in a weird and roundabout way.

See, in addition to the titles listed above (refresher: Mom, Jesusfreak) I'm also a singer. I used to believe that my talent was all I needed and that Jesus should just love my singing and overlook my sin. Well, for those of you who don't already know Jesus, lemme just tell ya...it don't work that way. (Pardon my butchering of the english language)

Recently, I began to understand that my pride about my singing was way too big and my attitude was way off. (You know how it is...diva-ism just isn't a good thing to have in church) So, I sat myself down from the church praise team. As soon as I did that, all kinds of doubts began going through my mind...like this one..."Hey, you know you aren't as young as you used to be...are you sure that sitting yourself down is the right thing to do at this juncture?" Or, how about, "Hey, you shouldn't just sit yourself down like that, you should just slug it out and keep on keepin' on for the Lord." Yeah...mmhmmm....whatever.

Well, today, I was kind of thinking about all that when I had what might be described as an "A-Ha Moment." I was reminded once again that God is sovereign. He can do with me and my talent as He likes, and if that means I sing in the congregation, then I sing in the congregation. It's all up to Him which totally takes the pressure of trying to "make things happen" off of me. Whew...what a relief. Now I don't have to kill my worship pastor for not recognizing me as the musical genius that I am. (V, if you're reading this I would never actually kill you...)

So, are you struggling to get ahead? Worrying that your boss, or your pastor, or whoever is just taking you for granted and that you're not getting the recognition that you deserve? Relax, take a breath for crying out loud. Check your motives...why is the need to be in control or be in leadership so powerful? Remember...it's not about YOU!